Cast of 'Caroline in the City:'
Lea Thompson as "Caroline Duffy" [CARO]
Eric Lutes as "Delbert Charles Cassidy" [ DEL]
Malcolm Gets as "Richard Karinsky" [RICH]
Amy Pietz as "Annie Spidarro" [ANNE]
Andy Lauer as "Charlie" [CHAR]
Guest Stars [In order of appearance]:
as "Angie Spidarro" [ANGE]
Tom LaGrua as "Remo" [REMO]
John Mariano as "Johnny" [JOHN]
Michael McKean as "Father Daemeon" [DAEM]
as "Italian Guy" [GUY]
Introduction: Aside from Mad About You 's fabulous season finales, this is one of the best I've seen. It falls back on the comedy and focuses on the more dramatic side to the relationships between some of the characters. This, in my opinion, was the best season 1 episode of Caroline in the City . Hopefully there will be many more like it to come.
Note: All voice-over (in scene 6) is in bold face.
[Scene 1: The Church. Caroline is about to walk down the aisle. Annie is there attending to her.]
ANNE: You look so beautiful.
CARO: I think I'm gonna throw up.
ANNE: In that case, [lifts up Caroline's vale] let's get rid of this.
CARO: I'm so nervous. I cannot believe that Liz Taylor went through this eight times.
ANNE: She had to get through this to get to the cake. [laugh] It's alright honey, I'm here for you. If you want me to push you down the aisle, I'll do it, if you want to back out of this, I'll toss a rock through that window and we're out on the street in ten seconds.
CARO: It's alright, I'm fine.
ANNE: [music plays] That's my cue. See you out there, Mrs. Cassidy.
CARO: [Annie trys to kiss her cheek] Lipstick, lipstick... [exit Annie] [Caroline studies herself in the mirror][enter Richard] Richard?
RICH: Excuse me, Caroline, are you busy? I just wanted to give you a little wedding gift. [hands her an envelope]
CARO: Really?
RICH: Yeah. Go head, open it.
CARO: Okay. [she opens it] A check.
RICH: Yeah, but don't cash it until Friday, you haven't paid me yet.
CARO: Thank you, Richard.
RICH: Yeah. Sure. Caroline, there's one more thing. [he kisses her][Caroline wakes up from her dream shaken]
[Scene 2: Caroline's apartment. Angie and Annie are tailoring Caroline's wedding dress.]
CARO: There's an Irish tradition, stick a six pence in your shoe and it will bring good luck to you.
ANGE: Well, this is an Italian tradition.
ANNE: Yeah, it's put a penny in her dress, hope her life doesn't end up a freakin' mess.
ANGE: Annie, watch that mouth. You know, your cousin Theresa didn't believe in the invisible forces of the universe and look what happened to her on her wedding day.
CARO: What happened to her?
ANNE: It's no big deal. She was attacked by a swarm of bees and her face kind of swelled up.
ANGE: Like a balloon fish. And you know why? Because she put her gloves on inside the house.
ANNE: No, it was because she wore orange blossoms in her hair and there was a hive in the rafters of the church.
ANGE: And why do you think there was a beehive in the church?
ANGE/ANNE: Because she put her gloves on inside the house.
CARO: Look, you guys, I don't want to hear anymore about this. It will just give me another nightmare tonight.
ANGE: Are you having nightmares?
CARO: No. It was just a dream that scared the hell out of me.
ANNE: What did you dream?
CARO: Nothing.
ANNE: Come on, the next time you have a margarita you're gonna end up telling me, so you might as well tell me now.
CARO: Alright, I was getting married and I was wearing this dress. And that bra, you know the one that cuts me right here.
ANGE: See, she wears a bra--even in her dream.
CARO: Anyway, you were there and I was about to walk down the aisle and Richard came in and he gave me a check and he kissed me.
ANNE: Richard?
ANGE: Check? Oh, no, it's an omen. You dream of another man the night before the wedding? Atu! Atu! Holochio!
CARO: Angie, it wasn't the night before the wedding. It was the night before the day before the day before the wedding.
ANGE: Look at that. She's already speaking in tongues.
ANNE: If you dreamt about kissing Richard the only thing it means is that you had bad clams last night.
CARO: Yeah, maybe.
ANGE: If you really want to know what it means....
ANNE: Mom, would you please take the sewing kit into the other room.
ANGE: You don't want to know what it means? Fine, fine, I'm not going to tell you. [sings] She loves him.
CARO: Angie, we just work together. Nobody's in love with anybody. [enter Richard]
RICH: Well, well, well, if it isn't Miss Haveashum. Tell me, do you sleep in that thing?
CARO: Yes, and I plan to get married in my flannel footies. [Caroline suppresses Annie who is trying to tell Richard what Caroline dreamed about the night before]
ANNE: Richard, you met my mother.
RICH: Yes, of course, charmed. Rosemary's mother. Here are the thank you cards you ordered, although why they were such an emergency, I don't know. [hands Caroline a box]
CARO: Well, you know, I hate to wait 'til the last minute. I want to address all of these today.
ANNE: All of these. Wait a sec, what if somebody doesn't give you a gift.
CARO: I'll send them a thank you note anyway and make them feel guilty.
ANGE: Ah, you could have made such a good Italian.
RICH: Bye the way, the printer said you could just mail him the check.
CARO: Okay, Richard.
ANGE: The man from her dream comes in with a check. Her dream is coming true. It's an omen.
ANNE: He didn't have a check., [they begin to squabble][phone rings]
RICH: Hey, hey. [picks up the phone] Yente center, may I help you? Yeah, yeah, hold on a second. Fruma Duffy, it's for you. It's the bridegroom.
CARO: Hi, Del. Yeah, okay. What's the priest doing in Los Angeles? He sold a screenplay?
[camera flashes over to the desk where Richard is seated]
ANGE: Benedicto and nominy patre, benedicto and nominy patre! Atu! Atu! [throws a glass of water into his face][Annie gets him a tissue]
RICH: Feeling a little tense?
CARO: [on phone] I'll meet you at the chapel then. [to everyone] We lost Father McCarthy.
ANGE: You lose the priest the day before the day before the wedding? It's an omen.
CARO: It's not an omen. We got a new priest. A Father [pauses] Daemeon.
[Scene 3: Del's Office. Del is on the phone with his ex-wife Jill.]
DEL: Yeah, Jill, it's Del. Listen, I'm trying to write the vows for my wedding and you know at our wedding you wrote that poem about the tree and eternity and stuff? Yeah. Can I buy that from you? Hello? [enter Charlie]
CHAR: Here you go, sign this.
DEL: Hey, Charlie, do you have any aspirin?
CHAR: [pulling 3 bottles from his coat] Yeah. What would you prefer? Bufferin? Ibuprofen? Or perhaps a mild diarrhetic?
DEL: Plain aspirin.
CHAR: [hand him the bottle] You got it.
DEL: Hey, Charlie, Charlie, aren't you forgetting something?
CHAR: Oh, yeah. [bows to Del][exits]
DEL: Charlie, Charlie wait! Charlie! [looks outside his office for Charlie while Charlie comes in from the other entrance.] Didn't I send you to Tiffany's this morning to pick up the wedding bands?
CHAR: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. [pulls out the ring] Okay, here's your ring and here's Caroline's. Man, for a little chick she's got fat fingers.
DEL: Charlie, where's the box?
CHAR: You want it back? I was keeping my olive pits in it.
DEL: Forget it.
CHAR: Here, try the ring on.
DEL: Oh my God! Oh my God. I'm getting lightheaded I've got to take it off. It's the ring.
CHAR: I was wearing it for an hour and I didn't even catch a buzz.
DEL: No, Charlie, it's an anxiety attack. I'm hyperventilating. I need a bag. Go see if you can get me bag to breathe into.
CHAR:[pulling out 2 bags] Paper or plastic?
[Scene 4: Remo's.]
REMO: Bonjourna, Richardo. Remember, before Carolina's wedding we're having hors d'oeuvres here at two, because as you know they hired someone else to cater their wedding. Enough said, I don't want to beat a dead horse, which is probably what he's serving.
RICH: You know, I don't even know if I'm going to make it to the reception. You know, you drink too much, someone hits you in the face with a garter, and then some fat woman asks you to take her home. I can do that in Times Square any night of the week.
REMO: Now, Richardo, you have to be there. This wedding without you would be like...
JOHN: A funeral without a corpse.
REMO: Now me, I wouldn't miss a wedding.
JOHN: Except your brother's.
REMO: Hey, that was a special circumstance.
JOHN: Tell the story.
REMO: Okay, I tell the story. [Remo and Johnny sit down.] [to Johnny] What are you doing?
JOHN: You sit, I sit.
REMO: Alright, the woman my brother was going to marry, I was madly in love with her. But I couldn't tell her, because when I was around her she was so beautiful I was speechless.
RICH: [mock shock] You?
JOHN: Strange, but true.
REMO: Anyway, the night before the wedding I wrote her a letter and asked her to run away with me.
RICH: That's ridiculous. I mean what if she'd said no. You never would have been able to face her again.
REMO: It didn't matter, I could not have been more miserable than I already was.
JOHN: Plus, she didn't say no.
RICH: The letter actually worked?
REMO: That night we sailed to New York.
RICH: Wow. You took a boat all the way from Italy?
REMO: It was the Staten Island ferry.
RICH: Remo, wait, wait. What about your brother?
REMO: Have you met my wife? My brother thanks me every day.
[Scene 5: The Church. Caroline is pacing waiting for Fr. Daemeon. She picks up a rosary which breaks to pieces. She drops to the floor to pick up the beads.]
DAEM: [entering] You must be Caroline Duffy.
CARO: I'm so sorry, Father. I just picked up the rosary.
DAEM: Don't worry about that, we got a bad batch. I was just writing a letter about that.
CARO: Well, Del and I just want to thank you for filling in on such short notice, Father Daemeon.
DAEM: It's Dam-e-on.
CARO: Really?
DAEM: No. I'm just trying to get the other guys to stop teasing me. Well I though your fiance would be joining us.
CARO: I don't know where he is, I guess he's just a little late.
DAEM: Maybe he ran away to join the circus. I'm sorry, I'm just trying to cut the tension here. I must tell you that I've never performed a wedding before.
CARO: Oh?
DAEM: You see, I was a prison chaplain for ten years. The only weddings I presided over were unofficial, at best. I take it your fiance has had lots of practice. Father McCarthy tells me this is his third trip to the aisle.
CARO: Yeah, well, so I guess if you have any questions you can ask him.
DAEM: He must know the ceremony by now. I gather he just runs into trouble after they throw the rice.
CARO: This is not comforting.
DAEM: Oh, I'm sorry. Do you need comforting?
CARO: Well you know this is my first time, so I guess I'm just a little scared.
DAEM: Yes, I can see where it might be scary. But you know, physical love with your husband is no sin. You know the first time can be a very beautiful thing. I guess.
CARO: No, Father, I think I've got that part pretty much covered. DAEM: Well then, confession's in about an hour. Seriously, if you need someone to talk to, I'd be happy to counsel you. CARO: It's just that I've been having some doubts and I haven't told anyone because I'm not sure if it's just normal before-the-wedding jitters or something more. You see, I always hoped for this sincere amore, a love that you don't have to question.
[Camera pans outside to Del who is listening through the door.
CARO: Del, I love him, but I just don't know. [Del enters the room and the camera pans inside.]
DEL: Hey, I'm sorry I'm late.[Caroline gets up to kiss him.]
CARO: Ho, honey.
DAEM: Del.
DEL: Hey. [he trips on the rosary beads and falls to the floor.]
DEL: What are these? These are beads?
DAEM: Yeah. See, someone could get hurt. I'm going to put that in the letter.
[Scene 6: Richard's Apartment. Richard is writing a letter. Bold text indicates voice-over.]
RICH: Dear Caroline, I don't know what I'm really writing, so please, bear with me. I know I'm probably violating several rules of etiquette by telling you this right before your wedding, but I have feelings [gulps from a wine bottle] strong feelings for you. I want to be with you. I want to share your laughter. I want to wipe away your tears. Wipe away your tears. This is either really great writing or one hell of a chianti.
[Later on at Caroline's. Richard enters when no one is home and leaves the letter amongst her thank-you notes.]
RICH: If you feel the same way, and if I have any chance at all with you, come to Remo's as soon as you can. You may not recognize me, because if you walk through that door, I'll have a smile on my face previously unseen by anyone. If you're not there by seven I'll know your answer is no. [To Salty] Hey, don't mock me. You're spayed, you wouldn't understand.
[Scene 7: Remo's. Richard is there waiting nervously.]
REMO: Richardo, I have a foursome booked at this table for tomorrow night. Shall I call them and tell them it will be dinner for five?
RICH: What time is it?
REMO: Well, let's see. Thirty seconds ago it was seven-fifteen, I guess that would make it seven-fifteen and a half and let me tell in advance, seven-sixteen is up on deck.
[Richard gives up and gathers his things][enter Caroline]
CARO: Richard? Hey, you. [Richard grabs her and kisses her.]
RICH: You got the letter?
CARO: What letter?
RICH: The letter, oh the letter I wrote to tell you that I've decided to become freer and more open and I've decided to become a kisser. [Richard kisses a man at a table] Hey, hey everybody, how you doing? Ma! Hey John. [kisses them] Remo! [kisses Remo][enter Del] Del! Oh my God!
[Scene 8: Caroline's Apartment. Richard enters, slips and loses his glasses. When he finds them, a lens is missing and he cannot see.]
[camera flashes to the hall where Caroline and Del are entering]
CARO: Isn't it weird. This is our last Thursday as non-married people.
DEL: Yeah.
[Inside Richard is frantically looking for the letter. Hearing Caroline and Del, he grabs a few and runs out of the window onto the ledge.]
CARO: I talked to my parents.
DEL: Yeah, I talked to mine. My cousins are in from San Francisco. They've taken over the house.
CARO: I'm really looking forward to meeting them. [Richard looks inside longingly at Caroline]
DEL: Yeah.
RICH: [goes through the notes he grabbed to find that none of them were his note to Caroline.] [thunder sounds] No. Thank you. [it begins to rain]
CARO: Salty, don't stare at the pigeons like that. You know how they get even.
DEL: Yeah, I hope it doesn't rain on our wedding day.
CARO: If it does, Mrs. Spidarro will say it's an omen. Boy it's really coming down out here.[Caroline closes the window]
DEL: I left my car in the rain. You know, maybe we should buy a car instead. [Richard is soaking wet.] Did I mention that my cousins are here?
GUYONSTREET: [to Richard] Hey, buddy, don't do it. It's the second floor, you'll only break your leg.
CARO: Let's eat over here. Del, get the wine.
DEL: My cousins, big wine drinkers. You know they're all here from San Francisco.
CARO: Del, you know, that's the third time you've said that.
DEL: They're my third cousins.
CARO: Honey, do we need to talk?
[Outside Richard moves along the building to the window in the hall.][Annie and a guy enter while Richard is pounding on the window.]
ANNE: Here it is, the moment where you try to decide 'Do I kiss her, do I not?'. Let me help you out. [kisses the guy] [Richard beats on the window] Ooh, the storm's making the windows rattle, why don't you come on inside and make my windows rattle? [she pulls the guy inside.]
[Richard goes back to Caroline's window where he sees what he perceives to be a love scene between Caroline and Del. How wrong he was.]
DEL: This is my third time. For you this is number one and you could screw up and just go on and I've already filled my quota.
CARO: I don't want to just 'go on'.
DEL: So this is it for you, forever? This is your grand passion, I'm the love you'll never have to question? Because if I'm not, you've got to tell me now.
[Outside, Richard is becoming more and more upset at what he is viewing. He falls backwards and lands in a trash receptacle.]
[Scene 8: Richard's Apartment Door. Caroline knocks, the Italian guy answers.]
CARO: You're not Richard.
GUY: You look for an apartment lady? This is a very nice place, very nice, very clean.
CARO: Where's Richard?
GUY: Crazy artist? He go.
CARO: What do you mean, he go?
GUY: He move, hit the road. He gave me his Sealy Posturpedic. [exit Guy]
CARO: Wait, wait, did he leave a message? Did he say where he was going? Did he say what he....[she breaks down]
[Scene 9: Caroline's Apartment. Later on. She's putting away wedding stuff.]
CARO: Okay, wedding dress, packed. Party favors, dumped. Thank you notes. Save 'em for Christmas.
[The End]
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