ANIMANIACS EPISODE #35 cold opener studio: TOKYO MOVIE SHINAS YW: Hi. We're the Warner Brothers. D: And the Warner Sister. Y: And we'd like to invite you and all the members of your household- D: to gather around the TV set and join us now- Y: for a very special episode of Animaniacs. D: And what's so special about it? W: I'M NOT WEARING ANY PANTS! (opening theme song) TVV: (Yakko): Miss Cellany. wraparound #1: (outside the Warner Bros. studio. Camera closes in on a building labeled "ANIMANIACS TEST KITCHEN" Explosion goes off inside.) (inside the building) Y: Welcome to the Animaniacs Test Kitchen. We're cooking up something really different for today's show. All we need are our ingredients. (singing) A dash of Pinky and the Brain, A cup of Slappy Squirrel, A tablespoon of Goodfeathers, Add Rita, Runt, then swirl. We add a pinch of Hippoes, {heh} Buttons and Mindy too. Now top it off with Skippy Squirrel, What's that make? YWD: Animaniacs Stew! (end song) W: What did we come up with? Y: Just watch. intro #1: They're Mindy and the Brain, Mindy and the Brain. One's a small child, the other's... the Brain. He uses his lobe, to overthrow the globe. She's whimsy, thet're Mindy and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain. IN THE GARDEN OF MINDY studio: TMS written by: John P. McCann directed by: Greg Reyna {key: M= Mindy B= the Brain, Mom= Mindy's mother} M: Hi lady. {MIndy theme} Mom: It's mom. Now listen honey, Mommy has to go to a better parenting conference. You stay right here and play. M: OK lady, I luv you, b-bye. Mom: Now Brain, you keep an eye on Mindy while I'm gone. (aside): I always get an attitude from him. B: At last, that meddler's gone. I'm free to begin my plan to CONQUER THE WORLD! First, I'll use telepathy to open the cage. {opens cage via telekesis} Now to get Mindy. Come mindy, it's time for us to conquer the world. M: Why? B: By right of superior intellect, I am best suited to guide the destiny of this planet. M: Why? B: My empirical powers give me the mandate. M: Why? B: Because it's something I want to do! M: OK, I luv you. Mwah. {kisses Brain} B: I'm uncomfortable with that. Now listen closely Mindy, using the gardener's weed-killer, some manure, and a little zoisha grass, I will destruct a powerful stink bomb. We'll use the lawnmower's engine to construct a rocket and fill it with the gas. When pricisely launched, the prevailing winds will spread the gas across the world's capitals. And as the stench drive government officials out into the streets, we will rush in, and seize power. Do you understand? M: Mousey! Pretty Brain Mousey. B: I am mortified. M: Little mousey big-head. B: Put me down Mindy, or I shall have to hurt you. M: OK, I luv ya, b-bye. B: I sense I completed the first step of my plan, finding manure. Pungent aroma if I do say so. Now to construct the rocket. M: Buggy, buggy. B: All right Mindy, bring me the mower. Soon the world would be mine! M: Whoah, buggy go fast. Wooo! B: Whaaaaa-arrghhhhh! (falls in odious concoction.) Ack, ack. M: Buggy go r-round. Whee-hee. B: Aaah! M: Silly Brain. B: This is most unexpected. M: Blah. Brain smell like poo-poo. B: I must rethink my present career. Mom: What's that horrible smell? Is that you, Brain? Have you been allowing Mindy to feed you old cheese again? Bad mouse. Bad, bad mouse! B: I hate being chided. But she'll be gone soon. Then I can begin my plans for tomorrow, another plan to TAKE OVER THE WORLD (tm)! But fist...a bath. YWD(singing): He's stinky, they're Mindy and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain. intro #2 They're Pinky and the cat, Yes Pinky and the cat. Her name is Rita, he's a lab rat. (Pinky): A mouse. They live inside a cage, making less than minimum wage, Thet're dinky, they're Pinky and the cat, cat, cat, cat. P: What do you want to do tonight? R: I don't know, eat you for supper. (swallows Pinky whole) So far, this is my favorite episode. P: Narf. Oh, brillaint accomidations, Rita. She ate the rat, 'cause Rita is a cat, cat, cat, cat. wraparound #2: {sung to "I've been working on the railroad"} Y: We've been mixing up the scripts, W: All the live-long show. Y: Putting characters together, YWD: Who normally wouldn't go. NO PLACE LIKE HOMELESS studio: TMS written by: John P. McCann directed by: Greg Reyna. {key: R= Runt, P= Pesto, M= Mrs. Mumphead, C= Crackers} R: Pesto, you're supposed to sing. Rita always sings. D-d-definately sings. P: What am I, a nightengale? Oh, somebody listen to me warble, coo. Look at me, I'm warbling; it's sooo pretty. Forget it! R: Ah, ok Pesto, I forgot. P: Boca Raton, what a nanook. R: I wish we'd find a nice home. When are we gonna find a nice home Pesto? P: How am I supposed to know?! Am I intimate friends with Donald Trump? Do I work for Century 22? Are my pockets bulging with real estate listings awaiting for your parusal? R: Uh, I don't know Pesto. I just thought us dogs definately should have a roof over our heads. Definately a roof for dogs. P: What did you say? R: That us dogs should have a home. P: Are you calling me a dog? Are you saying that I'm ugly? That you don't want your friends to see me? That because my face doesn't shine like the crown of a king, I must be some kind of beast?! R: Gee Pesto, all I was saying -- M: Here boy, here big doggy, hmm hmm. Come boy, get out of the rain. Oh my. R: Oh boy, a nice human! P: What are you an elephant? Watch it, Jumbo! M: Oh you poor dog, come inside and dry off. R: Woof. M: Ahhh! Don't move doggy, a horrid pigeon just landed on your back! It probably wants to suck out your blood. (whacks Pesto with a broom) P: Oof! M: Nasty, nasty bloodsucking bird! Nosferatu! P: Pia Zadora. M: Come boy, let's go insidemy house where it's nice and warm and filled with stuff. (slams door on Pesto) P: That hurts. M: You just rest here and be a dog and I'll get you a nice, big, bone. Hmm hmm. R: Yawn. P: (struggles to get unstuck in the door) Grunt. C: Squak. M: Ow! Be nice Crackers, we have company. It's a big dog whom I'll call Scout, or Mr. Mumphead, I haven't decided. C: Squak! Squak! Crackers! Crackers! M: Don't be jealous, you're the dearest thing in the world to me, which should give you some idea of my values. Hmm, hmm. P: What do I look like, a doorstop? Ronzoni! (breaks loose) Now to wake up Runt, so we can get the heck out of here. C: Squak!!! R: Oh boy, something scared me. Definately scared me. P: What are you doing with the fur sticking up? I don't understand, is this something dogs do? R: Something scared me, definately scared me. C: Crackers, Crackers! (whistles) P: Excuse me, what did you say? C: Crackers! Crackers! R: Uh Pesto, what are you gona do? P: What am I gonna do? I'm gonna teach that bird some manners, THAT'S what I'm gonna do! (flys next to Crackers) You know, you should be on a pirate's shoulder, you miserable iguana. Do you have something to say to my beak? C: Crackers! Crackers! Crackers! Squak! P: THAT'S IT! Here's your saltine! (fights Crackers, usual dust cloud formation around them) R: That's gonna be trouble. Definately trouble. P: I'll give you a cracker! M: Stop it! Stop it at once! C: Crack-ers. Crack-ers. (falls) P: (hit by Mrs. Mumphet) Aaahhh! M: How dare you peck the blood from my parrot! Horrid, horrid, undead bird! (Pesto sent towards fireplace, caught by Runt) P: Did you see me beak him? I beaked 'em real good. He never laid a wing on me. M: Get out, the both of you! You were in this together thw whole time. It was a plot to hurt my Crackers! P: (outside) Don Pardo! R: Uh, gee Pesto -- P: I know, I know, I'm supposed to sing. {sings Mozart piece} There, you happy? R: That was good Pesto. P: You think it was great? R: No, but it was good. P: But you think was good, right? Hey you know, I could be the next Wing Newton. intro #3 She's Katie Kaboom, Katie Kaboom. She's lives in a house witha garden in bloom. Her family knows that anytime soon, Their pretty lady, Katie, goes - Kaboom. KATIE KA-BOO studio: AKOM written by: Nicholas Hollander, Deanna Oliver directed by: Greg Reyna {key: K=Katie, M=Katie's Mom, D=Katie's Dad, T=Tinker, CB=you know who} K: You'll like my parents; they're a little weird, but nice. Wait right here, I'll go find them. Mom! Dad! M: We're here hon. K: He's here. D: Who's here? K: It's CB, we're dating. M: You're dating CB, the student council president? K: Yup. D: The-the-the captain of the wrestling team? K: That's him. Wait until you meet him. I'll be right back. Nobody move. M: I heard CB will be this year's valevictorian. {I can't spell it, I was only 11th (out of 330)} D: Well, uh-now I heard he's taking the wrestlers to the state's championship. T: I heard he's a giant chicken. D: Tinker! M: Don't talk about Katie's boyfriends that way. K: Mom, Dad, meet CB. CB, these are my parents. What? D: Sweetie, can we have a word with you in, the in, private? K: Bee right back. What is wrong with you? I'm so embarrassed. M: Katie, about CB... K: Isn't he dreamy? M: No honey, he's a chicken D: With feathers, and a-a beak. T: I told you he was a chicken. K: He's not a chicken! CB: Buck, buck. {that music that they always play for chickens} M: Katie darling, we're only trying to protect you from getting hurt. K: YOU NEVER LIKE MY FRIENDS! YOU NEVER LIKE ANYONE I LIKE!! M: Katie, now darling, please, just calm down. D: Hit the dirt! CB: Buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck. K: YOU NEVER LIKE MY FRIENDS! NEVER! NEVER!! [she explodes] (SCREAM) CB: B'gark! K: HUH? You really are a chicken. Why didn't you tell me? CB: B'gark? K: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!! T: Here we go again. M: Katie, you're overreacting. K: I'M NOT OVERREACTING! I'M DATING... A CHICKEN!! [KABOOM] CB: Buck, buck, b'gark! (sent flying to the city limits) K: Mom, CB and I broke up. Sob. M: There, there. Singer: You wear a diguise, to look like human guys, but you're not a man, you're a chicken, Boo. wraparound #3 YWD:We found this old computer Then we fixed it up. We threw in all the characters, Now they're all mixed up! intro # 4 Chorus:She's the crankiest of creatures in the whole wide world. This short cartoon features Dotty the Squirrel. Dot: The name's Dot! Call me Dotty, and you die. Chorus: That's Dotty! Dot: I warned ya. (pulls out bomb, throws it at the camera) BOOM! BAGHDAD CAFE studio: TMS written by: John D McCann directed by: Lenord Robinson {key: Y=Yakko, W=Wakko, S=Slappy, F=Flavio, SH=Sodarn Hinsane} SH: The time has come for the mother-in-law of all battles. Soon, the world will tremble, as I, Sodarn Hinsane, unleash my really neat, new armies upon the Mid-East. Nothing can stand in my way. Heh. Heh, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, heh. Y: Ahh, excuse me, is this the Baghdad Cafe? SH: No! Who are you? Y:(singing) We're the Warner Brothers, We like to sing a lot. My name's Yakko, W: My name's Wakko, YW: And her's our sister... S: (reading the Script) Slappy. I'm the cute one. I don't get it. SH: This old squirrel - she's 10,000 years older than sand. How can you be brothers and sister? Y: (whispers to SH) Ssh, don't tell her, she's adopted. S: That's it, I'm outta here! Where's Skippy? Skippy! F: Aunt Slappy! S: You're not Skippy. What the heck's going on around here? Y: Now, now, calm down sister sibling, we're at the Baghdad Cafe for brunch, remember? S: No! Y: And this is the head waiter. SH: What?! Y: Garcon, (snap) a table for three at the window. [bomb explodes, making the building suddenly an open-air one] SH: Gasp. Y: Aaaahhhh on second thought, how 'bout something a little closer to the kitchen? This should do just fine. SH: I am no head waiter! Y: Good, then I won't have to tip ya. W: Munch. (eating map) {shortnin' bread music} SH: Stop that! You are eating Kuwait! W: Needs salt. Burp! S: Thanks for sharing. SH: GUARD! GUARD! Get in here! (Guard enters) Remove these pests! W: (whispers to Slappy) Slappy, your line. S: All right, all right. Lemme see here. (reads Script) "She leaps into the handsome guard's arms..." (to Guard) Gimme a boost here, I'm old! Okay, here goes... (clears throat) "Hellooo Nurse." I don't get it, what does that mean? SH: ENOUGH! S: I couldn't agree more. SH: Do you know who I am? Y: Why? Did you forget? SH: Little fools, I am the leader of Iraq, the supreme commander, the mighty SODARN HINSANE! S: Oh yeah, well I'm Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca, ahh forget it, I'm done. Here, have some dynamite down ya pants. (BOOM) SH: (Screams as he fies through the Baghdad sky) YW: (singing) Our story is over, Our ending is happy, Thanks to Yakko, Wakko, and our sister Slappy. S: Next time, I'm asking for script approval. wraparound # 4 (YWD runs through a park, left to right. Yakko halts them.) Y: It's that time again. W: To pad out the show? D: To search for Elvis at 7-11? Y: No, it's time to learn today's lesson. And for that, we turn to... THE WHEEL OF MORALITY (tm). Wheel of Morality, turn, turn, turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn. Moral #3 And the moral of today's show is..."You can teach an old dog new tricks. But can't teach Madonna to act." D: That makes me feel all warm and squishy inside. Either that, or I sat in something. YWD: Yipe! (they off off screen right. Enter Ralph from screen left, cleching his fist in mid-air) Starring the voices of: Rob Paulsen.................Yakko, Pinky, Katie's Dad Jess Harnell................Wakko Tress Macneille.............Dot, Mindy's mom Maurice LaMarche............the Brain Nancy Cartwright............Mindy Chick Vennera...............Pesto Frank Welkner...............Runt, Flavio, Crackers(?), Chicken Boo Paul Rugg...................Mrs. Mumphead ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Lauara Mooney...............Katie Ka-Boom Mary Gross..................Katie's Mom Justin Garms................Tinker Sherri Stoner...............Slappy and Bernadette Peters as Rita KATHERINE PAGE: EXTREMELY CONFUSED end tag: YWD: AAAAH! THER'S A HORRIBLE BUG ON YOUR SHOULDER! AAAAAAH! Just kidding....(giggles) Copyright 1993, Amblin Entertainment, Warner Bros. Entertainment All Rights Ignored. Any retransmission, copy, sale of this document without the expressed written consent of Warner Bros., Amblin Entertainment, Steven Spielberg, the National Basketball Asoociation, the New York Knickerbockers, David "I did it with the candlestick, in the Billiard Room" Green, and Wesleyan University, is strictly encouraged. Transcribed by Shecky Munt, known to some as the evil twin of David Orozco.