ANIMANIACS TRANSCRIPTIONS --- EPISODE #32 06/95 ========================================= MAIN TITLE ---------- Music: RICHARD STONE Lyrics: TOM RUEGGER Director: RICH ARONS Animation: TOKYO MOVIE SHINSHA LTD. "It's time for Animaniacs, And we're zany to the max! The whole song this transcript lacks; Why do you think we have FAQs? We're An-i-man-i, totally insan-ey, YAKKO: Dana Delaney! Animaniacs!" HOSE ESCAPE ----------- Animation: TOKYO MOVIE SHINSHA {Animaniacs Theme} RALPH: Wo-ah! CHAIRMAN OF THE BORED --------------------- By: TOM MINTON, TOM RUEGGER, PAUL RUGG, SHERRI STONER Directors: RUSTY MILLS and CHRIS BRANDT Animation: STARTOONS MARY H: Greetings from Impetago, where all the stars have turned out for *the* celebrity gala of the year! Look at who's here! {Music} MORGAN: You gonna blast this one like you blasted all these others before? CLINT: I ain't the way I was before. BRANDO: Columbus understood that the earth wasn't flat like this or this or this . Au contraire -- Columbus knew the earth was round, like this! WAITER: Care for any dessert, sir? BRANDO: Oh, this will do for a begining... MARY H: You just never know who will turn up at a star-stuffed shin-dig like this one! {Blow the Man Down} YAKKO: Yup! You never know who'll turn up! WAKKO: Especially uninvited! {Warners' Theme} Mmmmmm! These cheeseballs are deeelicious! DOT: [Fake British accent] Please sir, may I have some more? YAKKO: More?!? Say no more, sister sibling! PIP: Oh, hello. YAKKO: @@h, hi! Yakko Warner! PIP: Pleased to meet you, Yakko. Name's Francis Pumphandle, but everyone calls me 'Pip'. {Those Endearing Young Charms} YAKKO: Great cheeseballs, huh, Pip? PIP: I'll say. Cheeseballs are one of my all-time favourite foods. I always seem to meet the most interesting people when I'm around them, too. In fact, cheeseballs bring to mind the time I met _Bob_Barker_. YAKKO: You don't say. PIP: Yes, indeed. _Bob_Barker_. Star of the most popular morning game show. He's a host, an emcee, _and_ a celebrity, all rolled into one. Anyway, eight months ago -- it was Tuesday the seventeenth, I believe -- or it _might_ have been the eighteenth...no, no, it was definitely the 17th, because it was precisely one week after my aunt Lucretia's birthday, which is the tenth. Aunt Lucretia's quite a woman. Loves to cook. She prepares a _fabulous_ war shu a. That's a Chinese duck dish. I _love_ Chinese food. I once went to a party where they served Chinese food _and_ cheese balls. Now _that_ was a Catch-22 situation. "Catch-22" was a movie, you know. It was long, _very_ long. They say the book was better, but it was a novel and I never finish reading those things. YAKKO: Well, isn't that interesting. PIP: Of course, a lot of people don't read much nowadays. They watch television. I caught a program on PBS last night. A very good {?} show on chimpanzees DOT: What took so long? Is Michelle in the media. They Pfeiffer out there? had a clip of J. Fred YAKKO: Never mind! There's a person up Muggs, that chimp from here you gotta meet! the TODAY show. But DOT: Mel Gibson? it was Fred's chimpanzee YAKKO: @@@@@h -- close! girlfriend that had me stumped. I couldn't remember her name, so I looked it up. Her name was Phoebe B. Beebee. YAKKO: Dot Warner, this is Francis Pumphandle. ...But -- "Everyone calls me Pip." Everyone calls me Pip. {Strolling through the Park One Day} Anyway, as I was saying, eight months ago, Tuesday the seventeenth, I went DOT: I'm going to hurt my brother badly. downtown on a nice, relaxing stroll. I love to relax. In fact, relaxing is a pastime of mine. Some people play golf. Others like tennis, horseshoes, bridge, canasta, and other such _fancy_ hobbies. DOT: Wakko Warner, meet Pip. Bye. PIP: Charmed to meetcha. Now, another hobby enjoyed by many is knitting. My grandmother was a great knitter. Knitted this sweater I'm wearing. It's red, which is _not_ my favorite color. I prefer mauve or mustard yellow. Now, don't get me wrong: red is okay for ties and suspenders, but with sweaters I prefer more neutral colors. WAKKO: I have to go. PIP: But when I'm relaxing, I don't care _what_ I wear: long pants, Bermuda shorts, T-shirts, or formal attire. You name it, anything goes. Now, on the seventeenth, during my relaxing stroll, I recall wearing my herringbone jacket, my Laughlin, Nevada souvenir tie, and my charcoal gray slacks. Or was it the navy slacks? Oh, I suppose it doesn't really matter, does it? What matters is comfort. You know, I once stayed at WAITER: Doggie-bag, sir? a Comfort Inn. Warm, {Where, Oh, Where Has My Little Dog Gone} cozy, comfortable. I love comfort. It goes along with that pastime of mine, relaxing. Now, {?} for me, there is _nothing_ more relaxing than a WAKKO: Go away! nice leisurely stroll, like the one I took eight months ago on the 17th. {Strolling Through the Park} It was a bright, sunny day WAKKO: This man is scaring me. which of course is the optimum condition for relaxed strolling. YAKKO: Can't say it hasn't been grand, Pip, And as I walked along, I because it hasn't. We gotta run. 'Bye! found myself humming a haunting melody. I kept humming and humming and humming and humming. I couldn't get the tune out of my head. Y,W,D: Retreat!! I racked my brains YAKKO: Pip, we'd love to stay and count our to come up with the title, brain cells as they die one by one... but to no avail. You see, DOT: ...but we can't! I'm not terribly musical. WAKKO: Gotta go! And yet, I'd always wanted Y,W,D: 'Bye!!! to play an instrument and {?} be like my musical hero, Y,D,W: Free at last, free at last, thank--- Leo Sayer. But who can compete with Leo? I think I was just scared that I'd fail. Y,W,D: Aaaaaaggggghhhhhhh!!! {Those Endearing Young Charms} Well, I decided right then and there to go buy a musical instrument. So on the particular Tuesday the seventeenth to which I was referring, I went down to the Sixth Street Music Emporium to buy a _new_ tambourine, a _terribly_ soothing instrument, contrary to popular opinion. And as I was strolling along, I detected a wonderful scent in the morning air. What could it be, I asked myself. DOT: Silence? PIP: So I went toward that marvelous scent, distracted by its aroma from my musical mission. The odor was a mix of orchid flowers and bologna, which of course is one of the world's most under-appreciated luncheon meats. {'Morning' from the William Tell Overture} That and pimento loaf. I _love_ a good pimento loaf and mayo sandwich -- the more pimentos, the better. Why, just the _mention_ of pimentos makes my taste buds stand up and say, "Howdy." Now _there's_ an inter esting word: "Howdy." {Song without Words #6} Is it from "How are you" or maybe "How you doing"? "Howdy"'s one of those strange words that really _has_ no origin. I like saying "How do" more than "Howdy" -- more formal, I think. Not too flowery. But the flowery aroma of that particular Tuesday morning carried me on my fragrant quest. {?} YAKKO: Adios. WAKKO: Arrivederci. DOT: Au revoir. YAKKO: Sayonara. WAKKO: Aloha oe. DOT: Oy vey. ... {There's No Place Like Home} Ah, home sweet home. PIP: Now, the smell was actually _less_ bologna and more orchid -- the beautiful flower found on the island state of Hawaii. Of course, I wasn't _in_ Hawaii, so I needed to search out the location Y,W,D: of the nearest orchid. {This Is the Way We Wash Our Clothes} So, I visited every florist's shop in town. Well, to make a _long_ story short, not a _single_ flower shop in town had _any_ orchids in stock, which seemed _mighty_ curious to me. Now, as we all know, curiosity killed the cat, but since I'm not a feline, I wasn't _too_ worried. Felines are funny creatures, don't you think? ALL: Ptoooie! PIP: I had a cat once. It used its claws to tear my living room couch to shreds. It was a comfy couch, too. Had a sleep-away bed in it with a foam rubber mattress. Now, I bought the couch _and_ the mattress at Levine's Department Store on Third Avenue, the _very_ same afternoon of that relaxing stroll aforementioned. I also bought myself a _lovely_ tambourine on that _same_ shopping expedition. Anyway, I didn't want to pay extra for the delivery of the couch, so I decided to carry the couch home myself. It was _quite_ cumbersome. And getting it through the store's revolving doors was a _bit_ of a challenge. {The Bear Went Over the Mountain} And _just_ as I emerged onto the street, by accident I bumped into a well-dressed man with an orchid in his lapel. It was _Bob_Barker_ and he was eating a bologna and cheese balls sandwich. Well, it's been nice chatting with you. Y,W,D: Huh? PIP: Bye! DOT: It's too quiet! WAKKO: I miss him!! YAKKO: Pip! Wait! Pip! Come back! Tell us another story! {Warners' Theme} DOT: Please! I wanna learn more about bologna! WAKKO: Did you ever meet Don Knotts? YAKKO: Oh, tell us, please do! THE PLANETS SONG ---------------- Music: RICHARD STONE Lyrics: PAUL RUGG Director: RUSTY MILLS Animation: AKOM PRODUCTION CO. YAKKO: It's time to tour the planets that make up our Solar System! C'mon! The closest to the Sun is the planet Mercury; Next the shrouded planet Venus is as cloudy as can be. The Earth is next, we call it home; let's hope it stays that way. And then there's Mars, it's really red, what more can I say? The gassy planet Jupiter's as big as planets come; Then there's Saturn with its mighty rings made up of tiny crumbs. We travel on Neptune, that's a gassy, greasy ball; And cold and tiny Pluto is the furthest one of all! Well, there you go -- that's our solar system! WAKKO: You forgot Uranus. YAKKO: Goodnight, everybody!! {Buttons and Mindy intro} MINDY: Buttons! Oh, Buttons! Silly Puppy! ASTRO-BUTTONS ------------- By: NICHOLAS HOLLANDER Directors: GARY HARTLE and RICH ARONS Animation: AKOM PRODUCTIONS {Buttons and Mindy theme} BUTTONS:Woof! Woof! Aroo! Grrrr! MINDY: Silly puppy! MOMMY: Mindy, sweetheart? Mommy and Daddy will be in the entertainment lab watching an video cube. DADDY: Honey, will you duplicate me a beverage paste? MOMMY: Sure, dear! Right away! Buttons! This duplicator is *not* a toy! I told you to stay away from it! Just keep an eye on Mindy! BUTTONS:Woof! MOMMY: Have fun, angel! MINDY: Okay, space lady! MOMMY: Please don't call me 'space lady'. Call me 'mom', 'mommy', 'mother', anything, but not 'space lady'. MINDY: Okay, space lady, I love you, buh-bye! {Where, Oh, Where Has My Little Dog Gone?} {Buttons and Mindy theme} Bouncy ball! Oops! TV: --Golly, Skipper, will we ever get off this planet? --Well, sure, little buddy! ...I think. MINDY: Bouncy bally, bouncy bally! MINDY: Bha-ha! Buttons funny! Buh-bye! VOICE: Prepare to launch mission Starburst. Five minutes and counting. MINDY: Bally bally bally! {Star-Trek-like music} CAPTAIN:Mr. Speck! Report! SPECK: Highly illogical creatures, Captain. CAPTAIN:Set phasers on 'shake and bake'. MINDY: Buttons funny! Bally! Bally! Bally! VOICE: Prepare rocket for launch. Evacuate the rocket facility. MINDY: Whatcha doin', Mister Space Bug Man? BUG: Go away! Leave me alone! MINDY: Why? BUG: You're yellow dada MINDY: Why? BUG: You mess up my yadada MINDY: Why? BUG: MINDY: Okay, I love you, buh-bye! Mmmmm-wah! VOICE: All personnel, clear the launchpad! Twenty seconds and counting. MINDY: Silly bouncy ball! {Buttons and Mindy theme} VOICE: All systems go. Prepare for lift-off. Mission Starburst rockets shut down. Prepare cargo bay for detonation of obsolete weaponry. Sixty seconds until total destruction. BUTTONS:Huh? VOICE: That's right -- total destruction! Starburst detonation sequence under way. Vaporization components engaged. Detonation minus forty seconds. MINDY: Bye-bye, Buttons! Bally! Bally! VOICE: Fifteen seconds and counting! MINDY: My bally! VOICE: Five...four...three... MINDY: Bye-bye! VOICE: ...two...one! {There's No Place Like Home} MOMMY: Buttons! Didn't I tell you to keep Mindy away from that duplicator? Now look what you've done! MINDYS: [Together] Hi, space lady! Okay, I love you, buh-bye! TRAMPOLINE RETURN ----------------- Animation: TOKYO MOVIE SHINSHA {Animaniacs Theme} Y,W,D: Boingy, boingy, boingy! RALPH: Boingy, boingy, boingy -- CREDITS ======= Rob Paulsen...............as Yakko Jess Harnell..............as Wakko Tress MacNeille.............as Dot Ben Stein........as Pip Pumphandle Nancy Cartwright..........as Mindy Frank Welker............as Buttons Jim Cummings......as Fat Space Bug Maurice LaMarche........as Captain Animal Handler -- Kathryn Page ---------------------------------------------------------- YAKKO: And remember, 'Yakko' spelled backwards is 'Okkay'! ---------------------------------------------------------- Copyright (C) 1993 Warner Brothers, a Time-Warner Entertainment Co. Transcribed April 15, 1995 by David Green. Last updated: June 25, 1995. Pip's monologue transcribed by Robert Armstrong. ...... Return to top level POIT page.