ANIMANIACS TRANSCRIPTIONS --- EPISODE #2 06/95 ======================================== NEWSREEL OF THE STARS --------------------- Animation: TOKYO MOVIE SHINSHA LTD. NARRATOR: Newsreel of the Stars! Dateline Hollywood, 1930, the Warner Bros. Studio. Here at the studio's new animation department, the artists toil endlessly to come up with cartoon stars, ultimately creating three new characters -- the Warner Brothers and their Sister Dot. Y,W,D: [Leaping off animator's drawing board onto Hello Nurse (or maybe her great-grandmother)] Helllllllo, Nurse! NARRATOR: Unfortunately, the Warner kids were totally out of control. Y,W,D: Boingy! Boingy! Boingy! Boingy! NARRATOR: The trio ran amok throughout the studio ... until their capture. The Warners' films, which made absolutely no sense, were locked away in the studio vault, never to be released. As for the Warners themselves, they were locked away in the studio water-tower, also never to be released. Publicly, the studio has disavowed any knowledge of the Warners' existence, to this very day, -- when the Warners escaped! MAIN TITLE ---------- Music: RICHARD STONE Lyrics: TOM RUEGGER Director: RICH ARONS Animation: TOKYO MOVIE SHINSHA LTD. "It's time for Animaniacs, And we're zany to the max! The whole song this transcript lacks; Why do you think we have FAQs? We're An-i-man-i, totally insan-ey, Y,W,D: Pinky and the Brain-y! Animaniacs!" YAKKO'S WORLD ------------- Director: RUSTY MILLS Lyrics: RANDY ROGEL Music: TRADITIONAL Animation: TOKYO MOVIE SHINSHA LTD. See AMLF. Or the NARF. Or the Sing-Along Video. Or the lyrics-sheet from the tape/CD. Or just grab an atlas and figure it out for yourself! COOKIES FOR EINSTEIN -------------------- By: PAUL RUGG Director: ALFRED GIMENO Animation: TOKYO MOVIE SHINSHA LTD. {Yodelling music} *NARRATOR: Bern, Switzerland 1905. Home of cheese, clocks, chocolate and neutrality... but mostly, chocolate. [*these words are also on screen] Y,W,D: [Sung] Open your doors and buy our cookies, Yodle oodle lodle lodle yahdle oodle eee! Support the scouts get out your wallets, Yodle oodle lodle lodle yahdle oodle eee! WAKKO: Yodle ay hee hoo, yodle ah ha haa, yodle ay hee hee, yodle iddel addel yahdle dahdle dihdle dohble dooble dah bah dee dee! Sorry, it's the chocolate talking! SWISS MISS:Hot chocolate! Hot chocolate! WAKKO: Hello swiss nurse miss! YAKKO: Oh, no you don't! We've got cookies to sell. Well scouts, there it is. The last house in the city. And we only need to sell one more box of cookies to get our merit badges. DOT: Albert Einstein. He sounds dreamy! {O Mein Lieber Augustin (a.k.a. "Did You Ever See a Lassie")} [Einstein at chalkboard. H2O = Wet P = BM3 S = BLT STP = OIL] EINSTEIN: If the sun is P and gravity is H, it makes a f-f-f. No, no, no, no! The theory of relativity has escaped me. Why can't I get it, why? Oh! This better be important. I'm thinking about black holes. YAKKO: Like black heads? You must be a dermatologist. EINSTEIN: I am not! I am Albert Einstein, world famous physicist. YAKKO: Oh. I've never had a cyst, but Wakko's got a wart you can look at. EINSTEIN: Eww. What do you kids want? {Yodelling music} WAKKO: You wanna buy a yummy box of kid scout cookies? EINSTEIN: Cookies? What would I do with cookies? DOT: Yah eat 'em silly mustache man! Whoa, dumber than advertised. {O Mein Lieber Augustin} EINSTEIN: No. I don't want cookies. I'm trying to unlock the mysteries of the universe. Now be good little scouts and runaway. WAKKO: Goodbye merit badges. [Sptolight on Dot] DOT: Ohh, oh, my heart aches with the sorrow of a thousand scouts. No merit badge. I mourn my loss. *sob* *sob* YAKKO: [Clapping] Say, those acting classes are really paying off! DOT: Think so? YAKKO: Don't worry siblings! We'll sell that man a box of cookies or die trying!... or try dying!... or do some tie dyeing! {O Mein Lieber Augustin} EINSTEIN: And now, to measure the speed of light. Boy, that's quick! Ooh! Y,W,D: Hello! {Warners' Theme} Mwah! DOT: So how about it kid, want some cookies? EINSTEIN: No, no, no cookies! YAKKO: How about a chia pet? {Where, Oh, Where Has My Little Dog Gone?} EINSTEIN: No! I-- oh look at that. Oh, it's got little fuzzy grass! Well... no. I can't, I can't. Don't you understand? I can't be disturbed. I'm trying to figure out an equation that explains the universe. YAKKO: Shouldn't you stick to skin disorders? EINSTEIN: I am not a dermatologist! {O Mein Lieber Augustin} YAKKO: All right, all right, we got the picture. If you don't want any cookies then just leave. EINSTEIN: I'm not going to leave, this is my house. YAKKO: All right then, you leave! EINSTEIN: Fine! ... Rrrrr. [Warners get kicked out] WAKKO: Now what? YAKKO: Now it's time for the hard sell. {O Mein Lieber Augustin} EINSTEIN: No more disruptions. Y,W,D: Hello! EINSTEIN: Aghh! You! YAKKO: No, this is a ewe. We're just plain old us. EINSTEIN: Why won't you leave me alone? YAKKO: Boy, have we got a deal for you! For a limited time only! When you buy our cookies, we'll throw in the amazing ACME pocket fisherman! The pocket fisherman comes complete with fishing pole, tackle box and potty. (He may be small, but he eats.) DOT: But wait! There's more! You'll also get the amazing ACME hair magnet. A unique solution to styling men's hair. WAKKO: Smile! You didn't smile. YAKKO: To get the cookies, pocket fisherman and hair magnet, here's how to order: DOT: Hi! I'm Dot, an operator here at ACME. Order now and we'll also throw in "Unexplained Mysteries of Fudge". Call now. EINSTEIN: *Sob* WAKKO: I don't think he can take much more, Captain! He's about to blow! YAKKO: I guess you really don't want any cookies, huh? EINSTEIN: How can I eat cookies when the theory of relativity has escaped me? It's all wrong, all wrong. I am a failure. Einstein is a dummy. Shtupid Einstein, dummy boy. Y,W,D: *whisper whisper* Hey Einstein! When ever we're feeling blue, Here's what we always do. When your face is long Sing the ACME song You'll feel so fresh and new! YAKKO: There's the "A", that's first, there's a "C", that's next, there's an "M", you're almost done. There's the "E", it's last, now spell it out, "A","C","M","E" that's fun! WAKKO: Now backwards! There's the "E", that's last, there's the "M", it's next, there's "C" you're almost done. There's the "A", it's first, what's first is last; "E","M","C","A" we're done! YAKKO: Pretty good Wakko, but your "A" always looks like a two. EINSTEIN: That's it, that's it! The theory of relativity! E=mc^2! Energy equals mass times the speed of light squared! You kids is geniuses! E=mc squared! E=mc squared! E=mc squared! HOST: The Nobel Prize in physics goes to Albert Einstein and the Warner Brothers. DOT: And the Warner Sister! YAKKO: Hey it's no merit badge, but it'll do. PINKY AND THE BRAIN ------------------- Animation: AKOM PRODUCTIONS CO. PINKY: Gee, Brain, what do you wanna do tonight? BRAIN: The same thing we do every night, Pinky! Try to take over the world! {Pinky and the Brain theme} Y,W,D: They're Pinky and the Brain, Yes, Pinky and the Brain. One is a genius, the other's insane! They're laboratory mice, Their genes have been spliced. They're dinky, they're Pinky and the Brain-Brain-Brain-Brain-Brain! WIN BIG ------- Story by: TOM RUEGGER Written by: PETER HASTINGS Directed by: DAVE MARSHALL, RUSTY MILLS Animation: WANG FILM PRODUCTIONS BRAIN: I hope you're prepared Pinky. For tonight's plan to take over the world promises to be extra-ordinary. Pinky? PINKY: Hee hee hee. TV: Bang! Zoom! Right in the kisser! PINKY: Hee hee. Bang! Zoom! Right in the kisser! Narf! Hee hee, oh. BRAIN: You watch too much TV Pinky. PINKY: Bang! Zoom! BRAIN: Stop saying that Pinky, or I shall have to hurt you. PINKY: Oh. Okay. Sorry, Brain. Narf! [Brain uses paper clip to escape from cage] PINKY: Egad! You astound me Brain! BRAIN: That's a simple task, Pinky. {P&^B Theme} Once we construct the super-conductive magnetic infindibulator, the world will be ours. Pinky? TV: --It is often said when a golfer tees off. Alvey? --What is "fore", Alex? PINKY: What is narf!? Uh, what is poit!? BRAIN: What is inordinately short attention span, Alex? [Brain retrieves plans for the infindibulator] BRAIN: The plans, Pinky, for the super-conductive magnetic infindibulator. Shall I explain how it works? PINKY: Narf! Challenge me! BRAIN: I'm sure I will. By using the infindibulator to deplete hydrogen and promote gravitational collapse, we will produce a magnetic charge in the center of the earth so strong that every person who has loose change in their pockets will be magnetically drawn to the ground and stuck there. PINKY: Egad, Brain, brilliant! Uh, oh no, wait. What if they take off their pants? BRAIN: Then, we'll have to take over the world *quickly*! Every item we need is here in the lab save one, the infindibulator. But I know where we can get one. The Farmer's Almanac! {Old MacDonald Had a Farm} [They find a copy of the almanac] PINKY: Thanks! {Pinky and the Brain Theme} Ah, here we are. Build your own infindibulator with things you have around the home. Only ninety-nine thousand dollars. *gasp* Ninety-nine thousand dollars! Narf! Where're we gonna get that Brain? TV: *BUZZ* Sorry Matilda, that's incorrect. What did you wager? {Sad Song (I STILL don't know what it's called, people!!!)} All of it. Oh, that's too bad because you could have won ninety-nine thousand dollars. BRAIN: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering? PINKY: I think so, Brain, but where are we gonna find a duck and a hose at this hour? BRAIN: The money, Pinky. I can go on that show and win the money for the infindibulator. PINKY: Egad Brain! Oh, no but the questions on Gyparody are incredibly hard. I mean, you'd have to get every single one right. BRAIN: Quiz me. Ask me anything. PINKY: Narf! Okay. What is pie? BRAIN: The ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter having a value of eight decimal places of 3.14159265... but ask me something difficult, Pinky. PINKY: Uh, uh, narf, oh okay. What TV character says "Bang! Zoom!"? BRAIN: I told you to stop saying that. I don't care who says that. PINKY: Ralph Kramden. Tah dah! BRAIN: We must prepare. [Cut to P&B tying shoes of mechanical person] BRAIN: That does it. I'm going in. "Honey, I'm home." PINKY: Hah hah hah! Uh, that's a funny joke, Brain! BRAIN: I am not devoid of humor. Prepare for departure. {Powerhouse-like music} Taxi! Taxi! {Animaniacs theme} [Y,W,D run through with Ralph in chase.] BRAIN: The television station, please. {Another oft-used theme. Anyone know what this one is?} CABBY: You got it. Whoa-ho, hey, if you don't mind me askin', bub, uh, what happened to your head? BRAIN: Nothing. I am a mouse in a large mechanical suit. CABBY: Heh heh heh heh, okay, all right, my fault for askin', right? [At TV station] {Gyparody Music} ANNOUNCER: This is Gyparody! Our returning champion, Alvey! And please welcome Deloris and Brian! BRAIN: Uh, that's 'Brain', not 'Brian'. ANNOUNCER: And now your host, Alex Quebec! ALEX: Let's start with our returning champion. ALVEY: Uh, I'll take ancient shoe sizes for two hundred, Alex. ALEX: Socrates' pupil, Plato@freenet.edmonton.ab.ca, wore his sandals this size. BRAIN: What was seven-and-a-half? ALEX: That's correct, Brian. BRAIN: That's Brain. I'll take kings named Moshoeshoe for two hundred. ALEX: He ruled Lestho [sic] in 1820. Brian. BRAIN: Who is King Moshoeshoe the first. ALEX: Correct. Select again Brian. BRAIN: Brain. Isle of Yap for four hundred. ALEX: Three Yappian island neighbors. Brian. BRAIN: What are Bikar, Ailuk, and Ailinglapalap... What is inversely proportional to square of the cube distances between them... What is the crust of Io... What is a Regis Philbin... ALEX: That concludes round two, and it looks like our challenger Brian-- BRAIN: Brain. ALEX: -- will be the only one to play final Gyparody, so far having answered every single question correctly. Have you made your wager? BRAIN: Yes, Alex. ALEX: Any plans on how you'll spend your winnings? BRAIN: Yes. I plan to take over the world. ALEX: Hah hah hah hah. My fault for asking. PINKY: Go Brain! Narf! We almost got all our money! In the words of... ALEX: Now, for ninety-nine thousand dollars, here's the final Gyparody answer. In the category 'Quotable Quotes': This classic TV character is known for saying, "Bang! Zoom! Right in the kisser!" BRAIN: Uhm, *GULP* Uh, who is, uh... ALEX: Five seconds. BRAIN: I um... who is uh... ALEX: Two seconds. BRAIN: Who is uh... Pinky! *BUZZ* AUDIENCE: *GROAN* ALEX: Oooh, that's incorrect. The question is: 'Who is Ralph Kramden?' And how much did you wager? BRAIN: Everything. ALEX: Which leaves you with nada. I'm so sorry. And that wraps up our show. Goodnight everybody! [Back in the lab] PINKY: How about, "Wheel of Misfortune"? BRAIN: No. PINKY: You could win the money on, "$10,000 Pile of Mud". BRAIN: No Pinky. I'm going back to the cage to get some rest for tomorrow night. PINKY: Why Brain? What are we going to do tomorrow night? BRAIN: The same thing we do everynight, Pinky -- try to take over the world! Y,W,D: They're dinky, they're Pinky and the Brain-Brain-Brain-Brain-Brain! WHEEL OF MORALITY ----------------- Animation: TOKYO MOVIE SHINSHA {Warners' Theme} YAKKO: It's that time again! DOT: Time to get our rabies shots? WAKKO: Time to make bubbles with our spit? YAKKO: No. It's time to learn today's lesson. And to find out what it is, we turn to -- the Wheel Of Morality! Wheel of Morality, turn, turn, turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn! Moral number two. And the moral of today's story is: "If at first you don't succeed, blame it on your parents." WAKKO: How deep. YAKKO: I don't know about you, but I'm touched. DOT: In the head. Y,W,D: Yipe!! CREDITS ======= Rob Paulsen.......as Yakko, Pinky Jess Harnell.............as Wakko Tress MacNeille............as Dot Paul Rugg.............as Einstein Maurice LaMarche.....as the Brain Frank Welker..........as Narrator Lemming Herder -- Kathryn Page -------------------------------------------- I'm Yakko, I'm Wakko, and I'm cute! (C) 1993 -------------------------------------------- Copyright 1993 Warner Bros. Animation, Amblin Entertainment. All rights reserved. Used with persimmon and a dash of salt. Transcribed by Marv Allenbrand (marv_allenbrand@MENTORG.COM) March 1995. Last updated June 25, 1995. ...... Return to top level POIT page.